


Cartography

by SonataForMyOverdosedLover



Series: And in her arms he'd kill the Maker, each time, a little more [7]
Category: Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: F/M, a story depicted in moments, consequences of mages as allies
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-19
Updated: 2015-03-19
Packaged: 2018-03-18 15:48:47
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,235
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3575010
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SonataForMyOverdosedLover/pseuds/SonataForMyOverdosedLover
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><em>There is a world outside your Order</em> she had said to him. And there was a world behind her towering figure, he had found that night. It was a dark and tempestuous world; it was suffocating and paralyzing but it was also tender and thriving, peaceful and rich and he was standing right outside of it like a tired lion facing the droughty desert, herded by his instinct in an aimless search for the oasis.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Cartography

**Author's Note:**

> A collection of moments, words, gestures, glances and touches. It might have crossed Varric's mind to get some fresh inspiration for a new novel but truth being told they made no good story. In order to write a story you need a strong beginning, a happy middle, and a memorable ending. They couldn't agree on a beginning, there was no middle way for either of them, and they would not accept an end. Theirs was a story they would rather keep to their longing fingers and their craving mouths.
> 
> cartography

He carried his body towards the chantry with as much speed as his legs could provide without full-on running. He felt heavy and it was like a battle for self-control. If the news were true… 

His hands pushed the wooden door with a blunt gesture and he only frowned when he found the Seeker already in the corridor, together with Leliana and Josephine. 

“Cassandra, please tell me this has not already been decided!”

The look on the woman’s face only confirmed his fears.

“You were there, how could you allow this to happen??!”

When Leliana’s scout woke him up in the middle of the night to debrief him on the return of the herald from Redcliffe he thought it was simply a cruel nightmare. Outside he was met by an unusual fret for that late hour on the alleys of the village. A large group of rebel mages were being gathered by their soldiers. He made his way through the chaos, wanting nothing more than an explanation. 

“Your concern is completely justified, Commander. This is why I have asked for a meeting as soon as we reached Haven. We need to discuss our current situation.”

“It is not a matter of debate. There will be abominations among the mages, and we must be prepared!”

He was not expecting their ambassador to flare up at his words.

“If we rescind the offer of an alliance, it makes the Inquisition appear incompetent at best, tyrannical at worse.”

“Having the mages walking freely around is both reckless and dangerous.” 

He surprised himself by still being able to keep his temper in check considering the gravity of their situation. For him this felt like a self-destructive move. That was when he caught sight of the Trevelyan woman stepping inside the chantry. 

In the back of his head he registered Leliana and Cassandra exchanging words but he could not take his eyes from her. He acknowledged her heavy steps, her lowered shoulders and the dark expression on her face. Yet it did not stop his anger.

“What were you thinking, turning mages loose with no oversight? The Veil is torn open!”

He watched her body instantly tense and her eyes dart at him with renewed vigor. 

“I don’t appreciate your tone, Commander. If you don’t like the way I deal with things then by all means, please, take charge. Oh wait, all that the three of you know how to do is fight – well then I guess you’re stuck with following my decisions!”

Her voice was dreadfully low and yet it had the power to travel clearly through the corridor. 

“Why don’t we calm down a bit before continuing this conversation?” The ambassador chimed in. “Commander, I am convinced that Lady Trevelyan went through some terrible events in order to obtain the mages’ help – ” 

“Terrible!? Terrible was being stuck in a Tevinter ruin fighting blood-driven qunari. Watching this damned world go to hell and everyone turn into hosts for red lyrium was a nightmare!” She turned her attention back to him. “We need magic to close the Breach - and we need the mages to cooperate.”

“I am well aware of that, _Herald_.”

Why he did that and where in him he found the lack of reason to provoke her more he did not know. He watched the effect that had, her eyes narrowing dangerously and her nose wrinkling, reminding him of an enraged wolf, ready to bite.

“If they prove that they can’t handle their freedom they will suffer the consequences.”

“And how many lives will be lost if they fail!? With the veil broken, the threat of possession…”

He froze when the woman suddenly launched forward until her hot breath was on his lips. The hiss that she let out gripped at his conscience like a claw and the truth behind her words repelled him.

“If they become possessed it will be my pleasure to slice their throats myself.” She searched deep into his eyes. “Happy?”

“Enough arguing!” He heard Cassandra’s thundering voice and yet, until she parted them and kept them at arm’s length, everything felt so far away to him. 

He panicked. Not because of their current situation; not because of the gravity of their actions. He panicked at the mess of confusing and terrifying messages he had read behind the woman’s eyes. There was darkness and passion buried deep down and there was fear bitten down by the trembled hiss that escaped her lips. He felt as if he had stepped into quicksand and he was slowly sinking. What bothered him the most was that instead of snapping back to his senses he welcomed the sensation with a morbid desire of wanting to know more.

“We cannot afford to second-guess our people. While I may not completely agree with the decision, I support it. The sole point of the Herald’s mission was to gain the mages’aid, and that was accomplished.”

“The voice of pragmatism speaks! And here I was just starting to enjoy the circular arguments.”

He recognized the intruder. The Tevinter mage had a habit for making dramatic interventions in discussions to which he had not been invited. Everyone turned their attention to him and that broke some of the previous tension.

“Closing the Breach is all that matters.”

“We should look into the things you saw in this ‘dark future’. The assassination of Empress Celene? A demon army?”

“Sounds like something a Tevinter cult might do. Orlais falls, the Imperium rises. Chaos for everyone!”

The ease with which the man was treating their situation bothered him. There was nothing laughable about any of this. 

“One battle at a time. It’s going to take time to organize our troops and the mage recruits. Let’s take this to the war room.” Somewhere private, where no unwanted guests could laugh at their current inability to find a common ground. 

Before anyone could answer, the mage beat them to it again while casually leaning on a wooden pillar.

“I’ll skip the war council, but I would like to see this Breach up close, if you don’t mind.”

But then he sensed it. Past the man’s laid-back attitude and light words, there was exhaustion in his voice. He considered how the mage did not address any of them and only waited for an answer from the Trevelyan. What followed was her calm and hopeful voice. 

“Then you’re… staying?”

“Oh, didn’t I mention? The South is so charming and rustic. I adore it to little pieces.”

“I’m surprised. Most would run the other way and not look back after what happened.” The woman shook her head slightly and he saw her shoulders relaxing slowly once again. He wondered when was the last time she had slept. He noticed that - the tiredness in both their voices; and he also noticed the soothing effect the mage had on her, wondering if it was just his imagination. 

“We both saw what could happen, what the “Elder One” and his cult are trying to do. Not everything from Tevinter is terrible. Some of us have fought for Aeons against this sort of madness. It’s my duty to stand with you.” He stopped and his gaze deepened as he continued to address to the woman. “That future will not come to pass.”

She remained silent until a prolonged breath left her lips, accompanied by a knowing smile, leaving Cullen to wonder about what the two had actually witnessed in Redcliffe.

“There’s no one I’d rather be stranded in time with, future or present.” 

“Excellent choice! But let’s not get “stranded” again anytime soon, yes?”

The smile lingered on her lips like medicine to her previous rage. 

A scout appeared in the doorway and caught Leliana’s attention. 

“Josephine, can you please pay a visit to Grand Enchanter Fiona? I’d like you to be the first one to interact with her before Vivienne has the chance to cross paths with the Grand Enchanter.” She eyed the ambassador, both sharing a glance that escaped the group. “Cassandra, I think we will need an authoritarian figure in the village. Please join me outside. Commander, once we are set we shall meet at the war table.”

The Spymaster didn’t wait for their approval as she hastened her steps towards the scout. When Cassandra followed against her will Cullen was left with just the Trevelyan. The noise from outside spared them from an uncomfortable silence. 

He set his body in motion but stopped when he realized that the woman hadn’t moved from her spot. He looked around. The mage had left. She was not facing him, probably considering stepping out of the chantry.

“I think I speak for everyone when I am asking you to join us.”

She turned to look at him.

“I thought you wouldn’t want me anywhere near the war table after tonight.”

“It doesn’t matter that we see things differently. None of our efforts and planning mean anything without your mark, after all.”

When she started to make her way to him he went ahead and pushed the door opened. 

“At least you’re honest about my purpose here.”

He thought about contradicting her but as he proceeded to light the room he found no will to do so. What was the point in being polite? She already knew how he felt about her decision. He let the silence fill the air. She stepped near the table and waited for him to finish. The woman did not bother to help him, which made him think that she might have been used to someone else doing this for her. When he came to a stop he spared her a glance and was instantly brought back to the first evening they met around the table. She was staring down, at the map. But this time around her eyes were not searching for anything. They rested on the black ink that marked Denerim. 

“I’m not blind to the threat.”

When she spoke he realized he was unprepared for either her voice or for another confrontation.

“I am aware of the risk that I am taking by having the rebel mages walking freely around Haven.” She inhaled and looked up at him. “They rose up against the rules of the Circle and opposed a dominant power that made them feel oppressed. By forcing them under another institution against their will I would have only filled their cup of insecurity and hatred. We need to close that Breach and we need them to think that the Inquisition offers them equality. If some of them become abominations it won’t be something we wouldn’t be prepared for. But I can’t afford running with the risk of instigating groups that might betray us and weaken us from inside.” 

She had stopped as abruptly as she had begun and left him to his own thoughts, giving him the chance to let the words sink in. Seeing things from this point of view made much more sense. Why hadn’t she started with this when he was venting his anger on her? It was still a big risk to take but the balance weighted differently now. 

“I don’t care what it takes. I want that damned thing closed. If we manage, what happens to them after is none of my concern; you can have them thrown back in the Circle if that’s what you wish.” 

He watched the woman getting nervous again and he remembered her words.

“You mentioned red lyrium in this … future you saw.”

"Everywhere... growing out of mages like a petrifying disease; crawling under everyone’s veins like clogged blood.”

“I know what red lyrium could do even in the smallest amount. The thought of that thing taking over Thedas…”

She looked down, at the map but glanced back at him from under her eyelashes.

“You are concerned about the Templars, aren’t you?”

“There are enough reasons to be, yes.”

She inhaled and it looked as if the mere attempt of straightening her body was a real effort.

“I am not going to lie to you, Commander.” She placed her gloved fingers on the map. “Here” and dragged them far East on the Hinterlands. “and here, also the cave here, left of King’s Highway. The first time we traveled to the Hinterlands we found nests of red lyrium and they have been spreading since. As you already know the Temple of the Sacred Ashes is tainted with it. I’m trying to destroy as many of those as I find as a personal favour for Varric but –“ she stopped and brought her hand up, unconsciously passing her finger along the small scar under her right eye, as if wiping something off her cheek. “I didn’t share this with him yet but… this is not a solution anymore. By the time we take one down, it has already grown in three more different places on the map.”

The Trevelyan finally looked up and waited for him to catch her eyes. “I thought you should know. The reason why I didn’t take your offer to reach out to the Templars - if the red lyrium will continue to spread like this…” she paused and he couldn’t believe that the woman who never wasted a chance to ridicule the Templars was now sparing him the embarrassment of voicing the ugly truth. He felt a rusty taste in his mouth and was almost angry with her for the sudden and misplaced sense of kindness. He’d not take that; he swore she would be the last person in the world from whom he’d take pity. So he finished her sentence instead, taking the butcher’s job from her.

“The Templars would be a liability and our forces could easily be decimated.” 

“Our options were limited.”

His thoughts went back to the Order and the good people they would lose because of the red lyrium. He simply wished that his title would have been enough to save them, but the Inquisition had no resources to spare and the guilt for turning his back to The Order was now gripping his conscience with renewed power. 

He let his eyes roam over the woman’s features. If she had noticed it she wasn’t showing any sign, keeping her attention resolutely on the map. 

They must have traveled for days from Redcliffe and he dared not ask her anything else related to what had happened. He knew she would answer without flinching but the feral outburst he had pushed out of her in the corridor was still too vivid in his mind. She had jumped at him like a cornered animal that had nothing to lose anymore and he knew that whatever was behind it, it was not a story he was ready to hear. 

Her eyes were a cold shade of amber but they were calm now; the tiredness in her body made her look uncharacteristically peaceful which in turn had a calming effect over him. He would not want to change that even if he could not explain the ease with which she could shape his feelings. He let himself prey to the warm colours of the shadows that the light of the candles was tracing on her skin. Her hair was tied up in a firm tail but it looked unkempt, different from the attentive attire he had seen on the few occasions he had caught sight of her around Haven. It was strange how her body language still made her look clean and presentable despite the clear evidence of struggle the woman must have gone through. 

He noticed her eyelids falling lightly and the muscles of her face unexpectedly relax. Those small gestures never escaped him and the man realized he enjoyed reading through them when she was not paying attention. The woman was lost in her thoughts because she didn’t seem to mind him. He became aware of the fact that he was not even there for her when he saw her full lips turn up into a distant but tranquil smile at something she would not share with anyone but the same spot over the map that she kept returning to. It made him feel like an intruder because he knew he was not meant to see that momentary affection in her eyes. _There is a world outside your Order_ she had said to him. And there was a world behind her towering figure, he had found tonight. It was a dark and tempestuous world; it was suffocating and paralyzing but it was also tender and thriving, peaceful and rich and he was standing right outside of it like a tired lion facing the droughty desert, herded by his instinct in an aimless search for the oasis. 

With a familiarity that surprised him he found himself addressing her as if the long silence that they had shared had been filled with casual conversation. 

“Have you gotten any sleep on your way back?”

She was slowly returning to him but still was one moment away from looking up.

“No.” She answered with honesty. “Cassandra pushed everyone’s limits in order to get us to Haven faster.”

He wanted to say something. He had no idea what exactly, but he felt as if he should take advantage of the moment. Instead lady luck had other plans and the door opened letting in an extremely annoyed Cassandra, followed closely by the Ambassador.

He looked up at the two women, and while returning to the thoughts of his duties he caught the Trevelyan’s eyes and the amused, almost apologetic, expression in them as if she had just seen through his intentions. That made him feel unreasonably anxious. 

Cassandra was muttering something about unnecessary headaches while Josephine went for her quill placed on one of the bookshelves. Leliana was the only one still missing. Cassandra seemed to be inpatient.

“The sooner we can march towards the Breach, the better. You should be prepared for anything once we get you there.” She finished by addressing the herald. 

“And I’d hoped to sit the assault of the Breach. Take a nap. Maybe go for a walk…”

Cassandra was not in the mood for unnecessary humour, but Cullen found himself smiling. He could understand the woman’s sarcasm. Being pushed to the front line all the time simply because she possessed the means to stop the hole in the veil mustn’t have felt pretty.

“What is it they say? ‘No rest for the wicked’?”

“Oh Commander, did you just called your _Herald_ ‘wicked’!? You must really decide what you want of me because I can’t be both a saint and a sinner.”

It was meant as a general ‘you’ but the sly smile she shared with him seeded a different meaning in his mind. This time around he was prepared for it and welcomed the tease. 

The secret silence that they shared did not escape the rest and the Seeker commented on the fact that at least they managed to put their differences aside for the night. Cullen was not so sure of that but tossed the situation to the back of his mind as Leliana entered the room, closing the door after her. 

Their meeting fell easily into routine and he found himself able to focus on his tasks. The preparation and talks lasted until he could acknowledge the first rays of the sun slipping through the glass of the window. He would allow himself some sleep at the end of the day.


End file.
